CHAPTER Twelve:

   It was two o’clock on Tuesday afternoon, and the store was busy. Willow was bored. She had started to get back into some of her usual antics. 

   First, she’d gotten into the produce and started juggling apples. Of course, they’d fallen on the floor and bruised. They had to be thrown out.

   Then, she’d started following the customers around, asking them questions that they neither welcomed nor had time for. 

   Finally, Lauren had figured out something to entertain her. She’d bought a stick of pink chalk and sent Willow outside. She could draw on the sidewalk right in front of the door, and Lauren could keep an eye on her from the till. That way she could soak up some of the sunshine too.

   Amanda stopped to admire her drawings before entering the store. 

   “You promised you’d babysit Willow today. I tried calling this morning and your dad said you weren’t home.” Lauren frowned at her. 

   “I’m sorry, I really am,” Amanda avoided her friend’s gaze. “This morning I had some errands to do, and I’m going out of town with a friend in an hour.”

   Lauren sighed and pursed her lips. “You could have at least let me know.” She didn’t want to guess who the friend was.

   “Well, I didn’t think you’d like it.” Amanda twisted a strand of red hair around her finger. “I promise to make it up to you. Next Tuesday.”

   Lauren forgave her friend. “Fine. Do give me a call if you change your mind though.”

   “I will.” Amanda flashed her a dazzling smile then hurried out the door again. 

   Always in a bustle somewhere. Why can’t she stand still for a minute? Lauren shook her head and watched her go.

   “I take it you’re still looking for a babysitter?” Riley came up to the till.

   “Would you like to apply for the position?” Lauren’s smile was hopeful.

   “Sorry, not a fan of kiddos. Animals are my thing.” She wrinkled her nose. “I would have any idea what to do if she started crying. At least it’s pretty easy to tell what’s going on inside of a cow’s head.”

   Lauren had felt the same way about children when Willow had first arrived. On the very first morning, Willow had almost had a breakdown, and Lauren felt her worst nightmares had come true. It turned out to be easier than she’d expected, looking after the little girl. Though it was still no walk in the park.

   Riley said goodbye before heading out the door, on her way to another farm. Lauren rested her elbows on the counter and stared out the window, lost in thought.

   She needed to make some decisions, and soon. Autumn was sneaking up. If Willow stayed, she should be starting school. How would that work? There were no kindergarten schools in Silver-Bell Creek. No schools of any kind. Lauren had no idea how to enrol Willow, or if she even could when it wasn’t her own child.

   She had no clue what to do when the time came. If she kept her until then. That was the first decision she needed to make.

 

ef

 

   In the evening Lauren made dinner and cleaned up, folded the laundry and sent Willow to bed, and completed her long list of chores. She marked them all off her to-do list.

   Sunset was long over, darkness had taken its place when she walked up the steps to Aunt Betsy’s house and knocked on the door. Keeping busy had kept her from overthinking, but now that all was quiet and still – save for the crickets, she could feel the tears coming. 

   Aunt Betsy turned on the porch light and opened the door with a smile on her face. It dropped when she was that Lauren was two seconds from falling apart. She ushered the young lady inside and shut the door. 

   “What’s wrong, dear?” Aunt Betsy’s dressing gown moved gracefully around her ankles as she led Lauren to the couch. 

   “Everything.” Lauren sat down and tucked her knees up onto the couch, then buried her face in them. “You heard what happened? With Charlotte, and Raymond and...”

   “I pieced it together.” Aunt Betsy sat down beside her and stroked her shoulder.

   A lamp shone in the corner of the room, illuminating the busy wallpaper. Lace curtains brushed the edge of the windows.

   “Amanda is too busy to babysit now, and she rarely talks to me anymore,” Lauren blurted. “I can’t keep taking Willow to work, she makes a mess. And I can’t even work with Chuck anymore. The payment deadline is coming up and I won’t make it.” She took a shuddering breath. “It’s just not fair.”

   Aunt Betsy gave her a sympathetic look and thought for a moment. “And who do you blame for all your troubles?”

   “Charlotte!” Lauren didn’t even have to think about it. “It’s all her fault. How could she?”

   “You know, I thought you would come to see me sooner.”AuntBetsy smoothed her sleeve and sat back in her seat. “I would be more than happy to babysit. It’s better than being all alone. Would that help things?”
   Lauren’s cheeks reddened. She hadn’t meant to make it seem like she had come to beg for charity. But it would help, it would help a lot.

   “If grandma and grandpa were here, everything would be better.” 

   It was the wrong thing to say if she’d meant to hold herself together. Now she was crying, a blubbery mess on the sofa. Blotchy cheeks and shaking shoulders. The stress had been eating away at her for days, and she couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

   Aunt Betsy grabbed a box of tissues and handed it to her.

   “Lauren, life is terminal. It will end for everyone.” She spoke slowly. “You can’t slow it down or speed it up. God is the only one who can do that, and I’m glad. He knows the right timing. If I were in control, I’d only wreck havoc...”

   Lauren sniffed and wiped at her eyes. 

   “Right now is your only chance to live this moment. It will never be here again. These moments with Willow, with your friends.” She moved closer and wrapped an arm around Lauren. “Your grandparents lived a good life. Think of the joy they had. The memories they shared with you.”

   There were so many to remember that Lauren didn’t know where to start. 

   “When you were born, your life was an empty book. It’s your choice what you fill the pages with. How it ends. You can’t change the number of pages. Lauren, will you fill them with worries?” she gently prodded. “Anger? Or will you fill them with happy moments? Memories you’ll want to replay over and over again in your mind?”

   There was another sniff from behind her hands, then Lauren composed herself and pushed her hair out of her face. It was strangely inspiring to think that she was using up the pages of her life. Frightening too, but she knew how to budget and plan and this wasn’t so different. 

   It was just like Aunt Betsy to talk common sense into her, chiding her so gently she didn’t even realize it. 

“Thank you.” Lauren’s voice was husky. “You are right. My blessings should be my focus.”

   “Allow yourself to grieve too. You’ve suffered loss.” Aunt Betsy squeezed her shoulder. “People have been cruel to you and unfair. And we’ve all made mistakes. But don’t let those moments overshadow your joy.”

   She nodded and pushed to her feet. “I’d better get back home. Willow is asleep, but I should be watching her.”

   Aunt Betsy stood up too. “Don’t forget. My offer is always open. You’d be doing an old lady a favour to give her some company around the place.”

   “You are too good to me.” Lauren pressed a kiss to the woman’s wrinkled cheek.